Am I Crazy, or Is My Partner Gaslighting Me?

Ana Loiselle, Certified Relationship Specialist
Aug 6, 2025
3 min read

How to Trust Your Gut When You Keep Second-Guessing Yourself

You’re exhausted. You’re confused.

You keep having conversations that don’t feel right, but you walk away wondering if you overreacted. Your partner says things like:

“You’re imagining things.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“I already explained this.”
“Why do you always need to fight about nothing?”

You start to doubt your memory.

You find yourself apologizing — again.

You feel paranoid, but also… like something is off.

This is the hallmark feeling of gaslighting.

What Is Gaslighting, Really?

Gaslighting isn’t just lying — it’s reality distortion.

It’s when someone denies things they clearly did, or twists events just enough to make you question your own perception. It leaves you unsure of what’s true — not because you’re unstable, but because they’ve subtly rewritten the script over and over again.

But why would someone do this?

Why not just tell the truth?

Because control protects them from accountability.

When someone gaslights you, what they’re really doing is manipulating your nervous system — not just your mind. If they can get you to second-guess your gut, your memory, your tone, your timing… then they never have to face what they did. They can avoid consequences, dodge shame, and still look like the reasonable one.

Gaslighting gives them power — over your emotions, your decisions, even your reality.

And the longer it goes on, the more disconnected you feel from yourself.

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Gaslighting

You feel like you’re “too sensitive” all the time
You apologize constantly — even when you’re not sure what you did
You keep explaining your feelings, but they keep being dismissed
You find proof of something, but your partner still denies it
You feel unsteady in your own memory or perception
You keep wondering if you’re “going crazy”
You used to feel confident — now you feel small

Why It Works: Your Nervous System Is Trying to Protect You

Gaslighting hijacks your nervous system.

When someone you love denies your reality, your body gets stuck in a loop — toggling between:

Fight (argue, demand clarity)
Freeze (shut down, disconnect)
Fawn (make it okay so you can stay safe)

And in those moments, it becomes nearly impossible to hear your inner voice.

But here’s the truth:

Your nervous system doesn’t lie.

The signals you’re getting — that pit in your stomach, the shakiness after a conversation, the constant urge to explain yourself — are your body trying to speak truth.

It’s your brain that tries to override it — out of fear, loyalty, or survival.

You’re Not Crazy. You’re Being Conditioned to Doubt Yourself.

You don’t need more “proof.”

You need permission to believe what your body already knows.

If you feel twisted in knots after every conversation…

If you feel like you’re losing yourself trying to stay connected…

If they always find a way to flip it back on you…

That’s not a healthy relationship.

That’s emotional manipulation — and it registers as danger in your nervous system.

What You Can Do Right Now

You don’t have to confront them today.

You don’t even have to leave (yet).

But you do need to start listening to yourself again.

Here’s how:

Track how you feel after conversations — not just what was said, but how your body responds afterward
Journal what they say vs. what they actually do — especially if you notice broken promises, contradictions, or shifting stories
Pay attention to your patterns — are you constantly explaining, apologizing, or shrinking to keep the peace?
Try saying this to yourself: “Something in me knows this doesn’t feel right — and I’m allowed to trust that.”
Find grounded, validating support. I can be a resource for you if you’re ready to explore what that might look like.